Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
