I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
