no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
