Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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