theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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