I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
