why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Four minutes until I can fart!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
