They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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