dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
