My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
