He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
BRING THE BAGELS
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
