It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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