I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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