.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
