6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Someone shattered a urinal.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
