Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
