i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We smell like vodka and hangover
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