I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
