I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
is wine microwaveable?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
