He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
