Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
