His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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