she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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