I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
