you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
