So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
