dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
