Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
