He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she told me i tasted like america
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
