i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
