How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
