Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
