now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
