I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
