ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
