I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
