Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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