It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
worst night to have a conscience
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
