A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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