When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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