I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
