they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
