I wannas sexs uuuuu
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
