I didn't shave. On purpose
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
