i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
my liver is dry heaving
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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