i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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