seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
home. puking in laundry basket.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
