so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
