its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
