I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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