Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
