They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
