I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
